So I NEED to lose weight and Im rubbish at it.
Ive followed diets and got myself so wound up I break rules and end up putting on weight.
SO
The plan is to eat low fat healthy food.
I cant say I will eat only food I cook as ill health means I cant cook
I cant say I wont snack as well I like snacking
I cant say I wont drink as well yep I like alcohol
So the plan is that I cant say anything
What I hope to do is eat the way I know is right and no longer kid myself with the
its just this once when its every day
it wont harm me when Im having health issues that show it does
tomorrow is fine when its not really
I think I know and have used every excuse going but I have to face up to reality and that is Im over weight and thats affecting my life..
I did a list of pro's
I like food thats bad for you
I like a drink
I like crisps and chocolate
I cant 'do' a diet
and the cons
Im over weight and have lost so much confidence
Im scaared of going out in case I fall
Im scared that my health issues will be permanent when now they may be reversable
Im embarrased how I look
I worry about sitting in chairs in case I dont fit
I get out of breath and hot and sweaty doing minor things
Im judged on how I look bith by me and by medical professionals
Im angry at my inability to control my eating
Im sad that I cant do the exercise I used to do although my condition is part of that
Im really angry that my condition gets ignored in favour of my weight
Im looking forward
to being me again
to being honest with me
to see how much is my weight against my condition
to not being judged on my weight
to feeling better in myself
to improving my mental health and not having to beat myself up so much
So heres to my little blog.... Do I keep it private or allow people to see and then worry that this time next week I'll be ordering a takeaway and a bottle of wine. I really cant decide so for now its just me.
I plan to post my daily menu which I can assure wont always be 'good' in what the world says I should eat but compared with waht I used to eat should be 'better'
There may also be the odd ramble of my brain but hey hard luck youre reading this and if you dont want to see it bye bye lol
The main thing is I need to stop kidding myself and get serious. I have this image in my mind of me and the mirror doesnt agree. I get so self conscious about my size and how unfit I am its embarrassing. It doesnt matter how many times I say well before I got ill I used exercise to control my weight. Ive been ill since 1999 so its time for my brain to catch up to the me I am now. I'll never be who I was too much time has passed so all I can aim for is a me thats within a healthy weight and hope that that will improve my confidence, mobility, mental health, physical health and over all LIFE!!
Its hard though as there doesnt seem to be any help available. Sure I can see my practise nurse but as someone who has never been overweight she doesnt get it. Being told its not rocket science its eat less move more when youre disabled isnt helpful. When they go on to say things like why would any eat chocolate its just fat and sugar and things like they forget to eat!. I dont forget to eat I run out of energy. I cant stand long enough to cook something. I cant plan a meal without half of it being burnt and the rest raw, I cant peel and chop vegies because of the pain in my hands and quite honestly I get so tired I cant be bothered so dont eat until I feel sick and then stuff myself with crisps or something equally 'bad' for me.
That means that my main issue is that I have to start to plan food. I need to defrost tea's in advance, buy ready chopped stuff for the slow cooker, make sure I eat an apple not a packet of crisps and basically take care and look after myself.
Ive been watching things on TV about super obese people and it does scare me. Ive gone beyond the point of worrying if I have nice underwear on in case I have an accident to worrying about if they can lift me!
Ive got to this point and suddenley realised I have no idea how to make this private so its a case of hey world its out there... it may get deleted in the next few days when I fall off the healthy wagon. If it doesnt then the plan is to list my daily food and possibly drink and hopefully in the future list m,y weight loss. If it does work I may one day say my original weight but for now thats my sad secret
